The love languages of Mars & Venus

Note from Ruff: This is an updated/expanded version of Ruff from February, 2014. Hope you  enjoy!

 

 In recent decades a number of books have been written on communication between the genders. Two of the most popular authors have been Gary Chapman (The Five Love Languages) & John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus).

 This month I shall attempt to merge their wisdom in a fashion easily understood even by us common dingleberries (from the Latin “ding” meaning smash & “leberries” meaning your brains). The basic idea is that men & women are different. That may come as a shock to many of you, but I speak from the experience of an intense 42 year study of the subject, often referred to as marriage. So let’s begin our exploration of the love languages as seen from the perspective of Mars & Venus:

 Words of affirmation –

From toddler-hood the genders each have their own interpretation of what this means.  

      Mention a girl’s silky hair & you’ll
have a friend for life.

Tell a boy he smells like a dog
& he’ll give you a high five.

Then, when the boy finally notices the girl, he becomes smitten & gushes,
“I love being around you…
you look just like my dog!”

 

Her romance meter rockets to fever pitch…

                                                                              

 

…just before she bites him.

 

Quality time –

Again notice the difference! My wife, Janice, regularly has “Dorothy Days”, time spent with her best friend. Depending on how many times they get lost, they typically they spend 45 minutes or longer driving to their destination.

After shopping for hours, they arrive home exhausted, concluding it was a perfect day because they filled up every cubic inch of time with conversation about their lives, their families & their feelings.

 

 

Contrast that with my  hunter friends. Rising before dawn,they drive 45 minutes or longer (depending on how many times they get lost) in a rickety old pickup, bouncing around & sloshing coffee on each other. For entertainment they swap lies about the one that got away & demonstrate the fine art of burping & passing gas.

When they reach their site they split up & spend the entire day a half mile or so from their nearest companion.
In the unlikely event that an animal wanders into their line of fire, the height of male bonding would involve an hour skinning & gutting their trophy.

They speak less than a dozen “intelligible” words among themselves all day.
Yet even if the only thing they bring home is the stench on their shoes, they can call it a perfect day, because they have an excuse to go out again tomorrow.

 

It doesn’t matter if a couple has been together for 6 weeks or 6 decades, the secret to lasting love is finding things they enjoy doing together. I recall a special evening years ago. Soft music played in the background during dinner. Candlelight created a special ambience. It was a time we had anticipated all week.  It would have been a perfect evening had she just remembered:

Talking is only permitted during commercials.

Giving & receiving gifts –

It seems most ladies tend to think the smaller the gift the better the gift

 

“Yeah, that’s just what I wanted, a giant stuffed fox- NOT!“

 

 

“You’re getting warmer”

 

“Perfect!!”

 

While guys are just the opposite

 

“Nice!”

“Way cool!”

 

“Now we’re talkin’!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ladies, if you can’t afford anything else, here is one gift guaranteed to please. It combines his two of his top three favorite activities:

Acts of service –

Here’s a special tip for the love-challenged guy no matter what your language is: Do something that will ease her workload.  She’ll appreciate it & if you’re married it may even lead to something more…

such as a “Honey Do” list.

Several years ago I discovered (by accident) how powerful this can be. It was Christmas Eve & I hadn’t yet shopped for Janice. To avoid the crowds (& salvage our relationship) I decided to give her a gift that required no upfront money & little wrapping. I made her a certificate saying I would take her out to eat once a month (something I was already doing). The only glitch was that she thought I meant one extra time/month.  But she loved it so much that I soon adapted it to gifts of service as well.
My secret formula (don’t tell Janice!) is to ask myself what she has nagged me about most during the past year, and then give her that as a gift for Christmas. Eventually I would have to sweep the floors anyway. But now I get extra credit for being thoughtful!

Special note: I’m not sure this will work for the ladies, because we men tend to expect all acts of service to be done for us automatically, just because we are men.

 

Physical touch –

Of all the love languages this one is perhaps most misunderstood.
For the ladies this means more than bedside manners (or lack thereof!) It includes little niceties like holding hands, gentle caresses & kisses without expecting more.

Yes guys, I’m serious!

For men, physical touch begins with the eyes & the thoughts & by the time actual contact is made he is already half- crazy (or more!). And it’s usually not wise to warm up using conventional male techniques.

 

 

 

Head butting your wife or patting your date on the butt is more likely to produce a black eye than romance.

The only solution to this dilemma is for guys to use the WBF method. The basic premise is that loving begins Way Before Play.

This technique works every time,

EXCEPT for:

headaches,
stress &
certain days of the month

 

 

Point to Ponder:  

 

Which language speaks most deeply to your heart? Valentine’s Day gives you a perfect opportunity to express love in your own, unique style. Just do it!

And don’t forget that God wants to hear, “I love you!” also.

How can you say it to Him? Here are some ideas to ponder:

* You might write a letter telling Him how special He is to you, or even brag about His goodness to someone else.

* Perhaps you could spend more quality time with Him by reading his Word, involving yourself in a small group, or attending church more regularly.

* Is there a special need in someone’s life you could meet by giving an anonymous gift?

* What act of service could you perform in the name of Jesus?

* Are you willing to be the arms of Christ in reaching out to hug a hurting soul? God created physical touch to renew life as well as create it.

I’m praying that this month you will find an opportunity to be God’s agent in speaking love to the people in your corner of the world. Be creative! Have fun! I’d love to hear your experiences.

Blessings,

Ruff